a feeling like never before

i was telling someone the other day that these past 3 days have felt like 3 full weeks. long, busy, and rough. I was working through some pretty difficult things with someone till 2 in the morning the other night and she challenged me to do something that i've never done to its level before. She challenged me to spend some time on my knees praising God for everything. But specifically for the person He has built me to be and the gifts that He has given me. from the greatest things like my ability to Love on others because this great love He has shown me all the way down to the littlest thing of semi-knowing how to play the guitar. for so long I had my head stuck in this place that was not good. So spending hours doing just this simple thing was the perfect way to stick me back to where i belong and give me a fresh perspective. Once again i'm left in awe of the amazing God I am so lucky to serve.

leading up to all of this, last night I had a conversation with a girl that I will never ever forget. It was my first time ever really being able to share the gospel and walk through the trinity with someone. After sharing with her that she wasn't bound to her past, that God forgives her and that she could live for something that will never leave her empty, she just looked at me full of tears asking what she needed to do. Praying the sinners prayer with her and her accepting Christ was the most amazing feeling ever. It was the first time that God ever put me in a position to do this since i've been saved and I know there will be many more opportunities to do so over in Africa.

so here i sit, i guess i can really say feeling drunk off the holy spirit. haha. it is amazing. also just remembering how outside of all this mess God is, comforts me so much.

back to the basics

I've been experiencing some major hurt lately.

I know a big factor could be the fact that i've been an open target for attack, seeing that I'm going to Kenya in just one week for three months! But still something uncomfortable sits inside me about the "closure" that I intentionally tried so hard to make happen, not happen. Useless worries and pointless fears, I trust that it's in God's hands and all part of his plan. But allowing my flesh to fight this battle lately has been so dangerous for my mind and heart. People aren't perfect.

So now, I'm going back to the basics i honestly lost sight of, God is Good, Trust in Him. Man, It's so hard to remember that.

the challenger.

no not the spaceship but God. I've been discovering His ultimate blessings through relationships where personalities shouldn't mix yet He still allows them to do so. And they not only mix, but thrive and bring so much glory to His kingdom. i love it. but beware, its leave a big target sign on your back too.

just libbin' it up!

too much library, and not nearly enough studying. i think after a semester of classes with Mae Leah i'd learn it's impossible to get any studying done together. so here i am blogging in the lib.

I Am His

My biggest prayer request is that I am able to end my time here well before I leave for Kenya. That the many loose ends here will be tied, and the encouraging thing is that a few of those already have! I have tremendous peace about this season of my life coming to a close and am eager about the next one about to start. I am confident that the Lord is revealing His steps to me as He continues to prepare me. I have been growing so much and the Lord has really been fathering me into a woman after His heart.

With all that to say, this last season of my life has been a very difficult walk. I have faced more emotions and discouragements then I ever have. It always seemed like one thing after another kept holding me back and weighing me down. Thankfully, the Lord used this to teach me SO MUCH. The Lord really used this time to tell me that, I Am His. It was really the Lord that gave me strength and fresh perspectives each and every day to press on in the midst of turmoil. I Am His, and it is my responsibility to grow and seek him wherever he plants me and takes me. Through all my fears and worries, God held me in His hands, wrapped me up, and delivered me through this time. I Am forever His. All Glory to GOD!

"Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you FREE"

importance of planting seeds

there's is so much that i can talk about. From LA Urban with the high schoolers, which was one amazinggg trip, to heading east coast with my family. i've been known as the natural extravert and i may have had wayyy to much of people crammed into just one week. Out of everything that took place though, i'm sitting here on my bed just reflecting on how GOOD of a God it is that we serve. I've said that many times, but this time it has a refreshed meaning. I serve at church, put in my hours but what does it actually mean to serve God. I've built it up in my head to be full of big acts, that take energy, yes, sometimes, but i've learned serving can be in the simplest of things.

Our last day on the east coast we travelled from Rhode Island to Connecticut for my cousin Eddies 36th birthday celebration. I've seen him a total of 3 times in my life and since there is such a large age difference there was never an actual relationship that was formed. With just a few family members there from my side and his wifes side he asked if he could make a speech. He announced he had just come to the Lord earlier this year and got baptized on Memorial Day weekend with his wife and 11 year old son. He began talking about how important it is to have God in your life and how faithful God has been to him and his family. After this he reached over to a table and pulled out a blue bible, held it in his hands. I had no idea what is was, or its significance at the time but my dad immediately started to cry. Eddie then said, this bible is dated to me in 1990, it was given to me by my Uncle Ray when he came and visited almost 20 years ago. It took me 19 years to open it up, but this was the best Christmas present I have ever received. He talked on and on, and obviously if you know me a little, you know i was crying as well.

But here it is, planting seeds. My parents and i guess I did too at the age of 1 travelled over to the east coast Christmas of 1990 and my parents gave each of my dads family members a Bible. Many were offended, majority still probably haven't opened theirs but this, it's proof that a little seed planted can go a far way. It may take 20 years to see the seed in full bloom, but God is there and the holy spirit works in such powerful ways.

This was a definite highlight of my trip. It has left me thinking of more ways i can serve, by planting little seeds like my parents did 20 years ago.

sympathetic pups

i love how dogs can tell when somethings wrong, your sick, sad and anything else. Today i stayed home sick except for a morning doctors appointment and like a magnet my dogs immediately were drawn to me and knew i was sick. They napped with me, sat with me, wanted to be next to me. I even napped for 2 hours sitting up holding mariah in my hands like a new born baby. Anyways as I was so impressed by my sympathetic pups today i remembered this video Tim had shown me about GoD and DoG. You should check it out, so corny but so true!

it was a good day of resting up, and getting healthy for my thanksgiving week. i'm thankful for all of you :)